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The Springfield Nuclear Plant has increased its safety record by 100 per cent, according to industry executives. They based their remarks on a study by Homer J. Simpson, professor emeritus at the Springfield Community College. The study, released this morning, noted that the candy machine now has a secure anchor to the wall.

Previously the plant had a record number of candy machine fatalities, with 10 employees succumbing in 2010 after attempting to dislodge candy from the machine without paying. The official cause of death in each case was noted as 'blunt force trauma.' 

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